Recovery is difficult today. Last night I saw a picture of myself where I was 3 pounds below my "recovery goal weight" (designed by my nutritionist and myself together), and my husband said I looked average (in terms of weight). I know I shouldn't ask him these things--but I do and I hope he will learn how to respond. How can I help him understand he is feeding my anorexia? I plan to tell him how I feel. I need him to know/understand that I must be SKINNY in his eyes. He also said I don't look anorexic to him right now...but the bones in my back still stick out. (He comes from a very skinny family, himself included, but it doesn't matter! He must learn about anorexia so that he is more sensative to my situation. I suppose I will be teaching him as he will not come to therapy or a nutrition appointment). I am hurting over this. I am also physically in pain as I have something called interstitial cystitis (painful bladder syndrome). I haven't had a flare/been in pain in 4 months. Now that I am eating again, the pain/flare is back. It seems that the more I eat, the more pressure is put on my bladder...
I am still eating...but today is going to be extra difficult after my husband's comments last night and the pain I get when I eat while in a flare. G-d will have to help me through this...
How am I still eating? The pain in my husband's face/eyes when I get out of control emotionally because I'm starving is the only reason I keep eating. Now if I can just get him to support me the way I need...
On another note, our dog broke a glass window last night! She often leaps at the window when a cat shows up and she finally broke the window. Just in time for Succos! The theme that G-d Himself is the only One Who can protect us and Who gives us life is clear to me. It is also clear to me that G-d wants me alive in this world right now...though I cannot say why?
The road is long and painful...but I have hope that the sun will set on the darkness and there is light peeping through. I just hope I find the light soon...
Take care!
Bracha Tova
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt
Eleanor Roosevelt
I'm sure you know by now Husbands are strange creatures for 1 we are more result/fix it oriented then understanding feelings oriented. If your husband spent any time in yeshivah he, like the rest of us, probably prides himself with being analytical which just feeds the above.
ReplyDeleteIt will take some time to educate him how to react sometimes I feel I still get it wrong more often then not.
It is a pity the two of you don't go to joint appointments as Ema and I gained a lot from them. Maybe a book for family members of ED suffers will do the trick in the meantime.
If it does need to come from you double check with your therapist what you should relate over to him, you need to make sure what you "want" to hear is actually what you "need" to hear.
If you could have a post about it I would appreciate as I may need to know it as I am afraid Ema's ED will return after she gives birth.
Kol Tuv and Good Yom Tov,
Aba
Husbands are wonderful creatures, but being from Venus, I don't often speak Marsian!
ReplyDeleteI am not sure exactly what you are asking me to address--please clarify and I will respond asap, bli neder. I will also post my personal reaction (most likely after Succos),to your comment as some things you said really made me think and I would like to address those issues!
Thank you so much, tizchu L'mitzvos! May Hashem bring you and your wife close to one another for the good, may she find Shalom and refuah, self love and healing, and may you both have a wonderful Shabbos/Yuntif. Take care!
Bracha Tova
>I am not sure exactly what you are asking me to address
ReplyDeletePlease post what you will be telling your husband what is the proper way to react and/or interact when it come to issues related to your ED.
Hope Yom Tov went well it can be a difficult time.
Kol Tuv,
Aba